Growing Pains

Well hey y'all! I guess this is becoming a monthly blog rather than a weekly. But I felt compelled to give an update on my life to everyone. I Facebook/Vaguebook as often as I can, but I know a lot of people have been checking in more than normal lately with everything going on. Plus I feel the need to write everything in this blog, so that one day when the baby is old enough, I can sit down and read to him EVERY SINGLE THING HE DID TO ME!!!

Okay, not really, but...really. Did any of you moms feel like that?! At least for a little while? I love this child more than life, but seriously kid. Give momma a minute.

Let's start at the very beginning (a very good place to start! When you sing you begin with...oh. Sorry.) 

On December 20, 2015, the day I now like to affectionately refer to as Doomsday 2015, I was walking out the front door to go finish up the last of my Christmas shopping. As I opened the front door Chandler, our yellow Lab, bolted out of the house which he has NEVER done before. I screamed for Andrew who came running outside, and by the time he made it out Chandler was halfway through the neighborhood. Andrew told me to grab his keys so that he could drive and hopefully catch him. Well, in all the flurry I just simply forgot I was pregnant or something. I took off faster than I should have, grabbed the keys and ran back outside. Somehow in the process my jacket got stuck on the screen door and I didn't realize it. I tossed the keys to Andrew across the yard, and in doing so I somehow propelled myself off the porch and went flying through the air. My jacket was caught, and the zipper completely ripped off. As I was flying, face first, I distinctly thought "Don't land on your belly!!" so I twisted myself around as I flew. The next thing I know, I landed about 6 feet out from the house, on solid concrete, on my back and tailbone. I hit HARD. I don't know how to put into words the level of impact I had when I hit the ground. So hard in fact that both of my shoes flew off my feet and went back and hit the house. 

I had the wind knocked out of me, and I immediately knew something was wrong. Aside from not being able to breathe, I was in the most unbearable pain I had ever experienced in my entire life. I was shaken to the core. I couldn't move, not even one inch, and there was actually a brief period where I questioned if I was paralyzed. I've watched enough Grey's Anatomy to know the basics, so I began running through a mental checklist. I told Andrew, who was watching in horror, to leave me where I was and not move me, to go catch Chandler, and then we would go from there. I began to try to wiggle my toes - check. I tried to wiggle my feet - check. I tried to move a millimeter - NOT check. I scratched my leg to see if I felt it - check. Finally I managed to get myself to roll onto my side somewhat to attempt to breathe. The pain of turning was excruciating. Andrew by this point, with the help of the neighbors, had caught Chandler and put him in his cage and was by my side.

I initially asked for him to call an ambulance because I couldn't move. But then I decided if he could pick me up, then he could sit me in the car and get me to the ER. All I could think of was the baby. I needed to have him checked right away. So Andrew scooped me up and rushed me to the ER, calling the pregnancy triage unit on the way to let them know we were coming. They met me outside right away with a wheelchair and I was whisked off. By this point I was crying, shaking, holding my stomach, and just praying out loud for this baby to be okay. Even the nurses were looking at me frightened as I was describing my fall and how I was feeling.

I'll spare you the details, but the rest of the day was a big blur. Nurses, doctors, OB/GYN's, needles, monitors, pain medicine, etc. My mom came and sat with us, and they kept the baby on a monitor all day. I wasn't allowed to move while on the monitor, and the position I had to lay in was excruciating. No. Actually there should be a worse word, but I don't think it exists. Every time the doctor did have to move me I screamed and screamed, and cried. Andrew and my mom tried to keep me calm and distracted, but there was no ignoring this type of pain. Ultimately, in the end the baby was fine and seemed unaware anything had happened. My placenta had not ruptured, and he was still in his safe little pocket. After a long day and night they decided I could go home.

We quickly learned that I was unable to walk. Or lay. Or sit. Or move. I couldn't go to the bathroom by myself or even turn over in bed. Heck, I couldn't even get into bed by myself. Andrew instantly became my full-time care giver. I had a horrible, restless night of crying and pain. But above all, I was VERY aware that I wasn't feeling the baby move. At all.

I called my OB for follow-up first thing the next morning, and she said to go back to ER/Triage immediately to check on the baby. So we had a basic repeat of the day before. Except now I was in worse pain than before, so my screaming was louder and my crying was more frequent. Again, after hours of monitoring, the baby turned out to be just fine. He was just sleeping and resting after all the chaos. I cried tears of relief, and was sent back home again.

The past 2-3 weeks have been...well, trying. I couldn't go back to work. For about 5 days, I was unable to even sit up. I could only lie on my side in bed, and anytime I needed to go to the bathroom Andrew had to take me. I couldn't shower. I couldn't eat. I just lived in a blur. Finally, by Christmas Eve I attempted sitting in a recliner for a couple hours and survived. I made it to family Christmas, and propped my feet up all day, but ultimately when I got home that night I was crying and in so much pain I was back at square one. I didn't ever finish my Christmas shopping, I didn't finish some gifts, I just didn't have anything at all in me to even get excited for Christmas. I survived it though.

I've now been on almost 100% bed rest for almost 3 weeks. I can now walk on my own, and sit in a recliner. I can even sit in a chair for about 30 minutes to an hour before it becomes unbearable. I can waddle around the house, and can shower and go to the bathroom. The baby is doing AWESOME. He is kicking more than ever, wiggles all the time, and is looking great on ultrasound! He's growing and cute and squishy. 

We're facing some new obstacles now. Major obstacles. And we know everything turns out okay in the end, but that doesn't make the road there any easier. I am no longer employed. I am not getting into details here, but ultimately my position has been eliminated and I have no job. Which means we lost an ENTIRE household income, just like that. Boom. Gone. We have a baby on the way, and I am only able to work from home, so options are...scarce. I'm trying to get my creative juices flowing and determine just what I'm going to do now. I mean, there has to be something out there. There are surely legitimate work-from-home opportunities out there. My exploring has only begun, this all happened Monday, so I've had but 48 hours to process it all. 

So. Here I sit. At home. Jobless. Pregnant. Broken tailbone. Baby arriving in less than 12 weeks. No idea what is about to happen. And I feel....okay. Truly, I do. I have a peace. I have a sense that a new chapter is about to begin. I feel something is already in line for us, I just don't know what yet. I have a roof over my head. I have the world's absolutely most AMAZING HUSBAND in existence. I cannot EVER stress that enough. This man is my LIFE, always. I have three cute puppies. I have a perfect little boy growing safely inside of me. I am healthy overall, despite the broken bones and crazy pregnancy symptoms. I have my faith. I have people who care about me, who text me and call me and email me every day. And I have truly learned in the last month there are those whom I now realized aren't really so much there for me. Those who don't seem to care, and seem to be wrapped up in themselves and their own issues, and are not interested in anything else. I've learned who I am truly surrounded by at the end of the day, and for those few I am so grateful. 

SO as usual, life will go on. This too shall pass. And any other nice cliches that are appropriate. I refuse to be broken by this (no pun intended), and ultimately at the end of the day I have faith in a positive outcome. I can't wait to meet my baby Kayden Michael and hold him and snuggle him. I can't wait to see what adventure I'm going to get to take next in life with my career - will it be more music? Something creative? Some new work from home adventure? Where will I go?! 

From the bottom of my heart, thank you to anyone reading this who has prayed, lifted us up in good thoughts, send good vibes, called daily to check in on us, sent emails - all of it. You all keep me smiling with all of your Facebook comments and positive vibes. Keep them coming. This adventure, though seemingly almost complete, has really just begun.