Well hey y'all! I guess this is becoming a monthly blog
rather than a weekly. But I felt compelled to give an update on my life to
everyone. I Facebook/Vaguebook as often as I can, but I know a lot of people
have been checking in more than normal lately with everything going on. Plus I
feel the need to write everything in this blog, so that one day when the baby
is old enough, I can sit down and read to him EVERY SINGLE THING HE DID TO
ME!!!
Okay, not really, but...really. Did any of you moms feel
like that?! At least for a little while? I love this child more than life, but
seriously kid. Give momma a minute.
Let's start at the very beginning (a very good place to
start! When you sing you begin with...oh. Sorry.)
On December 20, 2015, the day I now like to affectionately
refer to as Doomsday 2015, I was walking out the front door to go finish up the
last of my Christmas shopping. As I opened the front door Chandler, our yellow
Lab, bolted out of the house which he has NEVER done before. I screamed for
Andrew who came running outside, and by the time he made it out Chandler was
halfway through the neighborhood. Andrew told me to grab his keys so that he
could drive and hopefully catch him. Well, in all the flurry I just simply
forgot I was pregnant or something. I took off faster than I should have,
grabbed the keys and ran back outside. Somehow in the process my jacket got
stuck on the screen door and I didn't realize it. I tossed the keys to Andrew
across the yard, and in doing so I somehow propelled myself off the porch and
went flying through the air. My jacket was caught, and the zipper completely
ripped off. As I was flying, face first, I distinctly thought "Don't land
on your belly!!" so I twisted myself around as I flew. The next thing I
know, I landed about 6 feet out from the house, on solid concrete, on my back
and tailbone. I hit HARD. I don't know how to put into words the level of
impact I had when I hit the ground. So hard in fact that both of my shoes flew
off my feet and went back and hit the house.
I had the wind knocked out of me, and I immediately knew
something was wrong. Aside from not being able to breathe, I was in the most
unbearable pain I had ever experienced in my entire life. I was shaken to the
core. I couldn't move, not even one inch, and there was actually a brief period
where I questioned if I was paralyzed. I've watched enough Grey's Anatomy to
know the basics, so I began running through a mental checklist. I told Andrew,
who was watching in horror, to leave me where I was and not move me, to go
catch Chandler, and then we would go from there. I began to try to wiggle my
toes - check. I tried to wiggle my feet - check. I tried to move a millimeter -
NOT check. I scratched my leg to see if I felt it - check. Finally I managed to
get myself to roll onto my side somewhat to attempt to breathe. The pain of
turning was excruciating. Andrew by this point, with the help of the neighbors,
had caught Chandler and put him in his cage and was by my side.
I initially asked for him to call an ambulance because I
couldn't move. But then I decided if he could pick me up, then he could sit me
in the car and get me to the ER. All I could think of was the baby. I needed to
have him checked right away. So Andrew scooped me up and rushed me to the ER,
calling the pregnancy triage unit on the way to let them know we were coming.
They met me outside right away with a wheelchair and I was whisked off. By
this point I was crying, shaking, holding my stomach, and just praying out loud
for this baby to be okay. Even the nurses were looking at me frightened as I
was describing my fall and how I was feeling.
I'll spare you the details, but the rest of the day was a
big blur. Nurses, doctors, OB/GYN's, needles, monitors, pain medicine, etc. My
mom came and sat with us, and they kept the baby on a monitor all day. I wasn't
allowed to move while on the monitor, and the position I had to lay in was
excruciating. No. Actually there should be a worse word, but I don't think it
exists. Every time the doctor did have to move me I screamed and screamed, and
cried. Andrew and my mom tried to keep me calm and distracted, but there was no
ignoring this type of pain. Ultimately, in the end the baby was fine and seemed
unaware anything had happened. My placenta had not ruptured, and he was still
in his safe little pocket. After a long day and night they decided I could go
home.
We quickly learned that I was unable to walk. Or lay. Or
sit. Or move. I couldn't go to the bathroom by myself or even turn over in bed.
Heck, I couldn't even get into bed by myself. Andrew instantly became my
full-time care giver. I had a horrible, restless night of crying and pain. But
above all, I was VERY aware that I wasn't feeling the baby move. At all.
I called my OB for follow-up first thing the next morning,
and she said to go back to ER/Triage immediately to check on the baby. So we
had a basic repeat of the day before. Except now I was in worse pain than
before, so my screaming was louder and my crying was more frequent. Again,
after hours of monitoring, the baby turned out to be just fine. He was just
sleeping and resting after all the chaos. I cried tears of relief, and was sent
back home again.
The past 2-3 weeks have been...well, trying. I couldn't go
back to work. For about 5 days, I was unable to even sit up. I could only lie
on my side in bed, and anytime I needed to go to the bathroom Andrew had to
take me. I couldn't shower. I couldn't eat. I just lived in a blur. Finally, by
Christmas Eve I attempted sitting in a recliner for a couple hours and
survived. I made it to family Christmas, and propped my feet up all day, but
ultimately when I got home that night I was crying and in so much pain I was
back at square one. I didn't ever finish my Christmas shopping, I didn't finish
some gifts, I just didn't have anything at all in me to even get excited for
Christmas. I survived it though.
I've now been on almost 100% bed rest for almost 3 weeks. I
can now walk on my own, and sit in a recliner. I can even sit in a chair for
about 30 minutes to an hour before it becomes unbearable. I can waddle around
the house, and can shower and go to the bathroom. The baby is doing AWESOME. He
is kicking more than ever, wiggles all the time, and is looking great on
ultrasound! He's growing and cute and squishy.
We're facing some new obstacles now. Major obstacles. And we
know everything turns out okay in the end, but that doesn't make the road there
any easier. I am no longer employed. I am not getting into details here, but
ultimately my position has been eliminated and I have no job. Which means we
lost an ENTIRE household income, just like that. Boom. Gone. We have a baby on
the way, and I am only able to work from home, so options are...scarce. I'm
trying to get my creative juices flowing and determine just what I'm going to
do now. I mean, there has to be something out there. There are surely
legitimate work-from-home opportunities out there. My exploring has only begun,
this all happened Monday, so I've had but 48 hours to process it all.
So. Here I sit. At home. Jobless. Pregnant. Broken tailbone.
Baby arriving in less than 12 weeks. No idea what is about to happen. And I
feel....okay. Truly, I do. I have a peace. I have a sense that a new chapter is
about to begin. I feel something is already in line for us, I just don't know
what yet. I have a roof over my head. I have the world's absolutely most
AMAZING HUSBAND in existence. I cannot EVER stress that enough. This man is my
LIFE, always. I have three cute puppies. I have a perfect little boy growing
safely inside of me. I am healthy overall, despite the broken bones and crazy
pregnancy symptoms. I have my faith. I have people who care about me, who text
me and call me and email me every day. And I have truly learned in the last
month there are those whom I now realized aren't really so much there for me.
Those who don't seem to care, and seem to be wrapped up in themselves and their
own issues, and are not interested in anything else. I've learned who I am
truly surrounded by at the end of the day, and for those few I am so grateful.
SO as usual, life will go on. This too shall pass. And any
other nice cliches that are appropriate. I refuse to be broken by this (no pun
intended), and ultimately at the end of the day I have faith in a positive
outcome. I can't wait to meet my baby Kayden Michael and hold him and snuggle
him. I can't wait to see what adventure I'm going to get to take next in life
with my career - will it be more music? Something creative? Some new work from
home adventure? Where will I go?!
From the bottom of my heart, thank you to anyone reading
this who has prayed, lifted us up in good thoughts, send good vibes, called
daily to check in on us, sent emails - all of it. You all keep me smiling with
all of your Facebook comments and positive vibes. Keep them coming. This
adventure, though seemingly almost complete, has really just begun.
