Apparently I'm...pregnant.

That’s right. PREGNANT! At least that is what my ENT told me today as his “solution” for my problem.

First of all, I get there and I am taken back by a nurse who seemed a bit odd. Usually, I LOVE nurses. They are the one guaranteed part of my doctor’s visit where I know I will be treated like an actual human being. Nurses rock my world, because they actually seem to have empathy for me, and care and take time. This lady was lacking a few, um, qualities that I usually desire. Perhaps she was having an off day. First of all, we walked PAST the scale in the hallway, and when we got to my room she says, “Any idea how much you weigh? Anything close will do.”

Erm, umm…do I LIE? Do I say, “Well, I have gained TWO HUNDRED POUNDS since I’ve been pregnant, yikes!” and let her pat me on the back in sympathy? Do I completely lie the other way, and pick a weight from somewhere in the vicinity of me being 16 years old, when I could see my toes on the first try when looking straight down? Sadly, I chose to tell the truth, and gave her my best guess based on my weigh in from last week, with the weak disclaimer that I am 5 ½ months pregnant. She seemed satisfied with my nonchalant answer, so much so that she next asked me my best guess on my height.

Next she pulls out the blood pressure cuff, and though I half expected her to ask me to take a stab at guessing that, too, she actually put it on me. When she was done, she looked horrified, and stepped back and asked me if I have a history of high blood pressure. Immediately, my little pregnant heart began to beat faster, as I tried to remember if I took my dose of medicine this morning, and OMG I’M GOING INTO LABOR AREN’T I?!

I briefly explained I have somewhat high blood pressure during pregnancy, am on medicine, and asked what my number was. She says, “Well, it was 119/80. You should probably talk to your OB/GYN about that tomorrow. That’s uncomfortably high. Enough so that I’m really concerned.”

I’m sorry, correct me if I’m wrong – isn’t the general “ideal” number for blood pressure 120/80? I mean, perhaps that is something I made up in my head? And perhaps it isn’t a “perfect” blood pressure, but it isn’t enough to warrant a frightening look and the words “uncomfortably high” and a recommendation for a follow-up with my OB/GYN is it? Heck, I consider it a GREAT day when my BP is anywhere in that vicinity.

Anyway, after she left me, I had to sit in the office for the next hour waiting on the actual ENT to come in, because you know. Doctors. I watched an episode and a half of Gilmore Girls before the door finally opened.

He had my MRI scans, and informed me that yes, I do have a rather large cyst on my sinuses. And oh, by the way, you have Sinus Disease (to which my response was,  “Is that even a real thing?”). And apparently ALL of my sinus cavities are swollen shut. Not one. Not two. ALL. (apparently there are eight?!)

He then basically tells me I’m pregnant. For about ten minutes. He said I need surgery, but not now because I’m pregnant. And I need steroids, but not now because I’m pregnant. And I need a much stronger decongestant, but not now, because….

He tried to put the long black tube with the lighted camera on the end up my nose to look for more polyps. However, after it was about 2 inches in I began to cry like a small child because it hurt SO bad. So he said he didn’t want to torture me any further, and that was pretty much it.

Okay, so it lasted for a good solid 30-40 minutes and he was really nice, and really thorough, but ultimately he simply couldn’t help me. He said when someone has chronic sinusitis that gets so bad he would classify it as Sinus Disease, that honestly there is very little that can be done. He did say he is mildly optimistic that my symptoms happened to perfectly coincide with becoming pregnant, so there is some hope that once the baby arrives I may regain my sense of smell and taste. I’m supposed to follow-up next June and go from there to see if anything has returned, and if not, to discuss further treatment options post-pregnancy. There seems to be about a 50/50 shot of this being temporary/pregnancy related verses this being a permanent thing that happened now by coincidence.

*single tear*

I’m not going to go into a long, long, loooooooooooong rant about how depressed I feel right now. I don’t think that will make anything better. But I am. I am just flat-out sad, depressed, frustrated, and want to cry. But I also know I need to be strong and carry this little baby boy and give him a healthy, happy environment to grow in, so sitting around crying and giving up eating food all together isn’t going to help anyone. However, I also do feel that I am allowed to at least say it: I’m sad. I’m depressed. I’m living in a tasteless, smell-free void. You seriously, truly cannot possibly understand the mental toll this is taking on me. It has been almost 6 months now.  I can’t even breathe well for even two minutes out of the day, I can’t taste Thanksgiving dinner this week, I have to have my hubby smell foods to see if they've soured, to tell me if my clothes need washed yet, heck if the house was burning down and I was asleep I wouldn't smell the smoke. I can’t even smell my baby boy when he arrives, that fresh baby smell. Eating has lost all meaning, and I hate being around everyone talking about how amazing their meal is. My dog pooped in the house the other day, and I didn't even know it until my hubby got home and smelled it and found it. Total. Bubble.

This too shall pass…..I guess.